Out of the mouth of babes

Last night, Carson and I were going through our I-Tunes catalog, trying to put together a kid friendly, yet still rockin', playlist for the car. I would play a song, we'd listen a while and then decide whether it was car-worthy. We were bee-bopping this way for a while when I came across "At Last" by Etta James. I hit play and explained to Carson that this was the song from Mommy and Daddy's wedding and that it still makes me swoon. Swooning still, I insisted that he dance with me. And being a right good sport, Carson jumped up and slow danced with his mom in the middle of our study.

So, there I was, alone in my thoughts, reminiscing about my beautiful wedding when Carson asked, "Is this how you danced with Daddy?"

"Yes", I replied, "it was one of the best days of my life."

"Oh, I wish I could have been there."

"Well, I explained, you were still up in heaven waiting to be born."

"Oh, I see."

At this point, I find myself thinking that this may be one of the sweetest exchanges of my adult life and I am trying to concentrate on remembering it in vivid detail. Still dancing, with his precious head leaning against my stomach, he mused out loud, "And after the dancing, did Daddy reach up under your dress and take off your underwear?"

WWWWWWHHHHHAAATTTTTTTT!!!!!!!! I found my mind reeling in shock and I ended up having an entire conversation with myself in a desperate attempt to make the preceding comment make sense.

Time stood still and the following conversation took place in my head:

Stacy: Holy Guacamole!!! Did he just say what I think he said?

Self: I think in the movies, this is where the lead character tells the quirky best friend something outrageous and the quirky best friend spews wine all over the place. Or maybe something less visual; maybe something more audible like a record needle being dragged across a record or the sound of a stack of plates breaking in the background.

Stacy: Who Cares!! Did you just hear what I heard? My sweet innocent child, knows stuff. Baaddd stuff. And I am going to have to discuss with my child what the heck he knows about going up dresses and grabbing underwear. I am so totally unprepared for this conversation. Everyone always tells me that I tell him too much as it is. I am soooo not ready for this.

Self: In the movies, after the spewing or the plates breaking, they usually break away to another scene for dramatic effect. I am afraid you don't exactly have the same luxury here. So you are going to have to gather your senses and face this thing head on.

Stacy: You're right. Here goes. I will be calm. Cool. Collected.

Back from the mental break and into reality:

Deep breath.

"I'm sorry Carson, you were saying?"

"Well, I saw on T.V. how the man grabs this lacy thing from under the girl's dress and shoots it into the people watching."

OOOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Big smile. Blood rushing back to my head. I am now breathing again and my heart rate has reached normal limits. He was talking about the garter, silly girl. He knows nothing about the birds and the bees and all is still right with the world.

"Oh yes, they do that at all weddings. Although, now that I come to think about it, I have absolutely no idea why."

I returned to my dancing reverie.

From my tummy came his little voice again.

"Mom, will you dance with me at my wedding?"

"Of course, my darling."

"That is if your not dead yet".

Cue the plates breaking again.