Emme Claire Domestic Terrorist

For those who do not have the privilege of knowing Emerson Claire Kosub, you are missing out. This kid is priceless. My friends at work routinely ask me to tell them the latest "Emme story". Here are the latest two:

1. A couple of weeks ago, I put my kids to bed and then went on to bed myself. Two and half hours later, I woke up to a bright light shining in my eyes. When my eyes finally adjusted, I saw Emme standing by my bedside wearing full Cinderella regalia, right down to the high heel shoes. She apparently had found a flashlight and decided to blind me/scare me half to death with it. When I asked her what in the world she was doing, she whispered, "I loot-en for cues." Translation, she was looking for clues. At midnight. In heels. Go figure.

2. Last weekend, I was painting the living room and mostly ignoring Emme. There being no furniture in the main rooms or accessible toys (remodeling the house), she was understandably bored. I was up on a ladder when I heard her saying, "It's okay, just lie down and be still, that's a good boy, just lie still and be good..." Out of an abundance of curiosity and caution, I got down to check it out. There she was, petting a sleepy Duncan, sweet talking him into a totally relaxed state of mind and ever-so-slowly easing his soft floppy ear into the stapler.

I cried out, "Emerson Claire what are you doing!?"

"Oh, I jus po-tin a ho in Duncan's ear."

"Well, that's going to hurt him, so stop it."

"Mommm, it jus one ittle ho."

That's right, according to her you can staple an innocent dog's ears so long as you keep it down to "one little hole".

Priceless.