Musings

My husband and my sweet babies are in San Antonio and I am left alone with my dog and my thoughts. Here is what I know.

I love Cezar Milan, aka, The Dog Whisperer. I faithfully tune in every week to watch him overhaul another psycho dog and show the dumbo owner how its all their fault their dog is totally screwed up. He just strolls in with his spanish accent and super creased pants and tsk-tsks the dog a couple of times and like 25 minutes later, the unruly beast is doing laps on the treadmill. Amazing.

I am always on the lookout for tips on how to fix my own hound-from-hell, Duncan. Books about Beagles- read em'. Obedience classes- took em'. Progress? Almost none. In fact, I believe he ate one of the books about Beagles and I had to throw it away. He is kill-ing me with the never ending list of valuables he has chewed up. Eyeglasses, gone. Three pairs of Emerson's sandals, shredded. My one good black bra, ribbons. The underside of my bed resembles a large fuzzy nest, filled with disentrailed Webkins, sippy cup lids and all the missing pieces from Emerson's tea sets. I estimate that he is blowing through about $50.00 bucks of my stuff a month and that is a conservative estimate. His only saving grace right now is that he has not chewed one thing of Dobie's. (Which I find ironic considering that Dobie leaves his stuff absolutely everywhere.) I have this idea that if I just watch enough Dog Whisperer episodes, I will magically absorb the necessary knowledge to tsk-tsk my stupid dog in to perfect subservience.

It's kind of the same philosophy that drives me to buy fitness magazines. LOSE 10 POUNDS in 10 DAYS! WALK YOUR WAY TO A SIZE 6! I see the titles and I gravitate towards the promise of a new me. However, what I consistently find is that you must actually do the "secret weight loss plan" if you want to lose the weight. Evidently, you cannot glean any aerobic benefits at all by reading alone. And, surprise, surprise, all of these super secret weight loss plans involve ridiculous amounts of exercise and absolutely no pancakes. Was that really a secret? Did people just find out that eating less and exercising more helps you lose weight? But I digress.........back to Cezar.

What it all comes down to is this, Cezar Milan is a genius and my only hope of rehabilitating my deranged dog is to watch more of his show. They had one good beagle episode, but once again, all the dog's problems were solved by a nice long walk. So the moral of the story is this: no matter what your problems are,whether it be a house devouring dog or a great big bubble butt, all you got to do is go on a really long walk.